In my neighborhood, there was a couple who had given their twin sons very weird names. ", This is the type of kid who will become a powerful investor or banker someday! Where do cows go for entertainment? A cat-tastrophe. A nervous wreck. Because she ran away from the ball. It had buck teeth. The past, present and future walked into a bar. Climbing out of the wreckage, one redneck said to the other, Do you know where we are?, I think so, replied the other redneck. 286. ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. Sure enough, there was a panda. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year.". 74. 219. ", A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. Laugh more: Funny Money Jokes In case they get a hole in one. If you have friends as weird as you, then you have everything. Whats the most musical part of the chicken? 141. I would have thought that it was very weird had I not realized that it was the singer Adele. To make some dough. Remember though if you tell these jokes when you dont have kids it is a faux pa hahahah. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?". These food jokes are on little cards so you can put them in a lunch box. A towel. But you need to wear these condoms to stop me from getting pregnant. So they have a Ball.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_6',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); A week later, one of these redneck farmers says to his mate: Are you still worried she got pregnant? His mate says: Naw, not really. Then he replies: LETS TAKE THESE CONDOMS OFF THEN., Two rednecks were sitting on a porch. Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. By the bark. 209. 70. Knock! There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. I avoid hanging out with pigs. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. What is that? They suspected foul play. Theres nothing worth crapping on. ""I wasn't," he replied. A racist man called me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives. Redneck cousin explained that was the cool adult word that everyone was using. What has more lives than a cat? The next morning Dad is making breakfast and the first little boy drifts into the kitchen. The Muslim man is driving through a rural town in Alabama when is was pulled over by a redneck police officer. 263. What is the opposite of a croissant? Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? 2. Purrr-ple. The genie grants her wish.I want to go home, too, says the second friend. 2. It was two-tired. Including cringe-worthy puns and corny laughs that'll give your dad a run for his money. And, I pray, why would God let it eat us? Mother's Day. How did the dinosaur build her house? They always hog the road. Best friends, eat your lunch. The doctor saw him and asked him what the matter was. They would thank you. Why is Peter Pan always flying? What do planets sing in a choir? ", A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? Dad jokes are both beloved and despisedlike corny puns, they're funny because they're so not funny. The first redneck says, My wifes so damn stupid the other day she bought a motorcycle helmet and we dont even have a bike.. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Maybe it is because they are the easiest funny jokes to tell friends. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. Market research. 77. Flood-lights! Whats the stinkiest planet? Did you hear about the medieval lamp? 233. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Why did the photograph go to jail? "Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Once. , "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. A chocolate. Share. Did you hear about the witch that went into the desert? Sometimes I wonder why but kids love knock-knock jokes. Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram for all my latest updates. Liked these funny redneck jokes? 139. Same middle name. ", Two young salmon are swimming along one day. So they dont peel. Why do sharks live in salt water? A palm tree. 3 What do lawyers wear to court? ", Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, "I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me. People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front. Poopiter. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! I can do it with my eyes closed. 225. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? What do newborn kittens wear? Book-worms! Two young salmon are swimming along one day. Why did the witches team lose the baseball game? A Maybe. Make me one with everything.. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself. They belong to me.You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. 297. The mooooo-vies! One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. Redneck family was visiting a big city for the first time, and they found themselves in a shopping mall. I excel at sleeping. 250. You mustang out with me. In his sleevies! Because every play has a cast. What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? 110. Check out more really funny you might be a redneck jokes that will make you laugh. 125. 280. Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? It saw the salad dressing. He was sad and had no motivation. How many times can you subtract 10 from 100? Where do hamburgers go dancing? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? Because it had so many problems. Even when you know the punchline is totally going to make you groan, a clever gag is always worth hearing. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. 2. ", I was in a barbershop when a man and his young son walked in to get a haircut. 164. After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. How do you measure a snake? 285. "She's my ex-wife. Patient: "Doc, my bum hurts"Doctor: "Where specifically does it hurt? Whats the best way to woo a math teacher? Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party? Nothing. 40 New Year's Jokes That Will Have You Laughing into 2023. Say there, says the farmer, you fellers didnt happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?, The first hunter says, Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin about a hundred miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!, The old farmer said, Thats impossible. Why did the painting go to jail? A pork chop. Feeling insulted, the police officer still asked politely who he was looking for. 37. A clock roach. The boy shocked us by saying, "That man was not my father. 256. 80. A desserter. When the police officer asked him for his name, he replied, "Mind Your Own Business!" ""That's strange," he answers. "Help! Two guys walk into a bar. A parrot. Did you hear the one about the roof? Why cant you trust an atom? 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Why was there a bug in the computer? What cookie flavor do monkeys love? 82. Because he was always spotted. Wheeeee! A swordfish! Why was six scared of seven? What did the snail who was riding on the turtles back say? ", A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? Because she was a little hoarse. Theyre both purple except for the rabbit. Billy Bob and Dale were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Dale, Yaw know, I reckon Im bout ready for a vacation. Why did the picture go to jail? Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. A can't opener. After an hour he loses his patience and yells, "Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and I will get rid of him! His wife was standing nearby watching him. A trebled man. Talk is cheap? Why did the piano teacher need a ladder? When it is ajar. Why doesnt the sun go to college? they are always good for a laugh! ", the others ask. 78. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. Because it saw the salad dressing, of course. 181. Who eats snails? Corny (OK, bad) one-liners. What kind of tree fits in your hand? What do you do with old German cars? How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? 40. says the wife. He just told me that if I wanted to get a free haircut at the barbershop, I should come with him. So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body. Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? Why dont Calculus majors throw house parties? 1 Two Redneck Farmers. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. 192. In a hambulance. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. "I work for the Minnesota Twins! I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Because he was outstanding in his field. They have anty-bodies. Luna-ticks. The snail says, What was that all about?, One day Max went to see Carl. Did you hear the one about the dull pencil? All it was doing was collecting dust. 66. "The farmer didn't answer. The third redneck says, Oh yeah, well I can top both of those. 147. 112. Look at the size of that bird, Paw! she exclaims. The past, present and future walked into a bar. A meltdown. A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. I don't like getting the cold shoulder. Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? Its called speedin.. Well my wifes so stupid, she bought us a Blu-Ray player and we dont even have a TV. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? And today Im taking them to the beach. ", "Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor. She gets out and says I want you two to make mad passionate love to me in the barn. What do you call someone who cant stick with a diet? BOOOOOOOts. Take a look at this collection of jokes and have a good time! Whats orange and sounds like a carrot? 226. "The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there? Where does the General keep his armies? 159. 9 / 75 Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. They always get a flush 23. "Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason. Your feedback will help us improve the article. There's no atmosphere. How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit? I will never forget some of these, and you better believe my friends are hearing them. A gummy bear. You're the father of twins. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend. Which superhero hits home runs? The police said some heels started it. "The line in front of the Kremlin is twice as long as this one", A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. Address! Because its so cool. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. (Closed), I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics). He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones. 204. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. Awkward silence during dinner? What's stranger than seeing a catfish? 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There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? He ate the pizza before it was cool. Loafers. I sold my vacuum the other day. The perfect tummy control bodysuit, a popcorn gadget, more bestsellers starting at $8. Billionaire Mindset On Dreads Dreadlocks Crazy Hair. A bulldozer. It was only discovered after take off, when the flight attendants started going through their preparations for the meals. How can you tell its a dogwood tree? What is an astronauts favorite key on a keyboard? Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him, "What's wrong? It was tense. Share these funny dirty jokes that are so raunchy people need to wash their ears when they hear them!