In the room. our sense of what is expected . Equality sounds great in principle people should be equal, right? . If your vagina is dry, find out why. Guess were done here . On fantasy world would be 24/7! Man, thats no way to respond to your wife, person you care deeply about whos saying to you that theyre experiencing mental health crisis in your relationship. that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. Marriage is hard work, but worth every moment when the effort is reciprocated. You have made a commitment to one another to do more than go through the daily grind or process of pretending to have a mutual satisfying relationship when in fact, you are simply roommates! And I suffer. Where is their allegiance to you? * https://disqus.com/admin/universalcode/#configuration-variables Now whats so hard about that. Thank you, Harry. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. Cheating just isnt in me. Im Maried for 5 years and from one year until now my wife change completely like a different person she don't let me hold her hands or touch her or kiss her and sex more than 6 months that she don't have sex with me I asked her if she don't love me anymore and she say that she love me and I asked her why she's doing you know all the . Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! Dont kid yourself, she still understands a mans needs. Just get out Stan. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. s.src = 'https://EXAMPLE.disqus.com/embed.js'; Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning, supportive of a partner struggling with mental health, it's OK to not want sex with your partner, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25855662/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5994393/. Over 12 years no sexual contact. Now after almost 50 years of marriage, I get two aging people going through the motions of life with a hug and a quick peck on the lips because to desire more means I am stressing him out or asking too much. Reaching orgasm can become difficult or seem impossible.". Its bad. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. My husband and I separated recently. who cares any more if your in a sexless marriage! Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. Its dinner cooked and eaten together, with enjoyment on both sides. Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. But to then take into account the Catholic Churchs stance on that interjects another sticking point, if I may use that term. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. Key points. Research, psychologists, and Google can offer ideas, but only your wife herself can tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you: Working a full-time job in addition to running household errands and caring for kids can be exhausting and stressful, so some women may simply feel too busy and overworked to have any energy for sex. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. I am in your same position but from the other side I am a 64 year old healthy, active man. Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay. Thank you for recognizing a very very bad situation and trying to remedy. I dont know why your husband would even want to be intimate with you, you sound like a harpy. Married 30 years now. Im basically living a lie until the time is right for us to part ways. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. Fix it. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. . Shes just not attracted to me and personally, Im not sure she ever was. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. Did your husband cheat on you after you stop having sex with him? Recently she will get naked and say I just want you to cum. Got lost there. Only once really in love. After my heart surgery 2 years ago for the same valve, we found the same surgeon who repaired it robotically and I was able to care for her pneumonia 2 weeks later and a year later heart failure, improved by a TAVR Aortic valve replacement last spring. Not a bar person.. any any suggestions. Without this love, there isn't much for the relationship to stand on. Help her through this transition andensure that she feels confident, no matter what changes her body has gone through. Q. Menopause and hot flashes have taken my sex life away. If his wife doesn't want to meet those needs, she should support him getting them met elsewhere or just set him free . And now we are old and the chance of my wife changing are now nil. Who sacrifices? I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. I bet you think all men are stupid as well. In the real world things are very different. I have (age 60+) gone right off sex. Im at a loss for words. When I say intimacy, I do not mean just intercourse. We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence. I wish you the best. Shes taking care of the house and shes working as well. Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. If it was the husband doing that wives would be screaming How dare You. It will only create more distance between you. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. I am so angry at him too!!! My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. It isnt. She didnt. Wow!!! I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. I have a simple fix for all this. What to do about it: Don't jump to conclusions. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. It Might pass , 45 is menopausal years and I was once told by a friend older than me at the time that it can be like a light switch once you are through menopause and that can be true because what drives sexual desire , it has much to do with hormones and post menopause or during, a women losses a tremendous amount of hormones and hormone replacement ( they will many x use birth control for that) makes one sick or intolerant and I have read many articles in the past that hormone replacement can put one of high risk of cancer in older women, please I am far from a Dr. not even close, but this is what I have gathered along the way. I do not believe love will demand it as a duty but love also doesnt hand over the relationship to the destructive forces and temptations, The older I get the more confident I am We men are not brain dead. 30 years in sexless marriage. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. yeah, in the case of some women, there may be some other things going on w/ the bodywho knows. John, where do you live, and do you play golf regularly without your wife ? Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. I love her more than anything in this world. Any discussion goes nowhere. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. . I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. Her duty? She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! It can be helpful to have this conversation with the help of a sexuality professional, such as a sex therapist or coach. Have you asked whether she experienced vaginal pain during sex? Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. 60s, 70s. Shortly after, our daughter in law and our granddaughters moved out of state. I am fine with him pleasuring himself and even using porn is fine. That was then and she is gone now. Period. }; He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. That is love. I hate her for cheating me out of sex. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. Also, expand your definition of sex. Share the moments and activities she loves and see how your desirability shoots for the clouds. I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. How about just being happy with love and affection? He is older than I am but even when we were younger, he was like that. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning2 and overall interest in sex. My husband had 19 affairs. My (50m) wife (48f) and I had a great sexual relationship for most of our marriage. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel. Some of it comes from knowing that your partner is unhappy," she writes at mbg. If there's no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and you've realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobology's panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. Help out around the house and stop making your wife do everything. Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. Have some fun with someone now and then would help .. any reply on if cheating what to look at to find someone Where???? Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. If only you could want . Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. I started seeing sex workers. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. I lived with her for a year after a very contentious divorce from the mother of my children who cheated. Suggest to her that she will have control of the situation. After the Revenge cheat she had the nerve to What men want is for her to have some of that drive back. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. Thats it, you said it thats what the woman loves. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. I feel so much pain amd resentment!!! Ive no where to go. When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. When hes not writing or advising people on how to thrive in their relationships, he loves exploring new places with his partner, working out, and pretending that hes good at cooking exotic stuff. If that is not possible, it may be too late. I cant say all women are like this but the handful I have been with do not talk about what feels good to them or what they would like me to do and/or do differently. You cant really blame her, can you? Sadly that BIG thing was Give Up Sex and just get over it. Weve all heard the answer to no Sex is stop having Sex? Bring back date night (without the pressure to have sex), or simply spend more time talking to each other about your inner worlds: your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, your hopes and dreams. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. A study published by the. My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). I am 60 soon and dread having to try and start again. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. . I was going to say you lucky lucky bastard., Maybe let her pick the sex partner and she may want to be a side participant in it, could always ask : ), Its been13 years no sex for me.lbeen married42 years..her phone and internet are more important than me. i rejected it, because I have become detached, unhappy and frustrated. We both have health issues Ive slept in my own bedroom for 43 of those years. Theres no divorce possibility. Pretty graphic stuff. He is selfish, lazy and quite frankly a self absorbed narcissist. Im 63, sexless for many years, and your essay really hit home. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. Soon thereafter, she lost interest altogether and would reject me, citing we would schedule a weekend session which never occurred. Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. When he gets it, his wife & children are covered in security & abundance. Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. No intimacy!!! Mates but l want to .feel loved , should l hang lt up and move on ty. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. My husband stopped 25 years ago when he couldnt get it up. The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. Also shes happy without sex after her hysterectomy and gal bladder surgery. It makes me feel sick. Just has zero desire. Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. I have tried joint with promises of renewal and never worked. Well, its clearly only getting worse. Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. She never apologized. It is one of the classic signs of a cheating wife and if your gut tells you somethings up, it may be worth investigating it a bit further. "Sexuality will often emerge naturally from their authentic emotional intimacy.". She had here ovaries removed due to cancer risk, after sex was painful and pussy all dried up, tried lubes and no luck and still painful when my rock hard penis went in her sweet pussy. 5. She told me that women need estrogen their whole lives, not just up to menopause. Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. To me, that is emotional abuse. There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. Im in ok shape, not overweight . There is some offensiveness directed towards men but I can benefit from your observations. And that's perfectly fine! Because then who leads? If your wife never initiates affection, it could be due to any of the reasons listed above in this article. Its strictly psychological as I have no problems when alone or watching porn, which she is totally against. Well said my friend. There is no hope for this relationship. There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. And yes thank goodness for self stimulation but what I wouldnt give for a womans touch!!! Theres always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. I just dont get it. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. We might as well bring up the time tested alternative. I also recognize he has no intentions of changing. If your wife avoids intimacy and this lack of intimacy is beginning to take a toll on your marital bliss, it is time to have an honest conversation with your spouse. Its maddening! So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. Noah loves to write on matters of the heart and mind. It's a horrible feeling to want sex, but not want it with your partner. Its is not your role. 10. For many of us who have exhausted talking to our partners, asking to have their normal needs met, to be loved and shown love and to be valued and desired but have been met with silence, stares, okay, not interested, I am not in the mood or sleeping in separate rooms, your partner has betrayed your trust and your marriage with emotional and sexual blackmail.